I don’t know if I can do this anymore (Health Update)

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Music by Gil Wanders – Welcome Back –

Hello you beautiful Rebels and welcome Back to another video in today's video It's a health update video I like to Make periodic Health updates it's been About a year since the last one I've Been getting people asking me to make More health update videos I actually Wasn't sure I was going to make this Video just because it's been such a long Very difficult Journey with my health And I'm not in a great place right now and So usually what I try to do is I try to Look for like the good in things I like To look for the good and things I like To look for the positive I'm a glass Half full sort of person But right now the glass is looking more Half empty and so I wasn't sure I was Gonna make this video just because it's Not it's not like I'm triumphant it's Not like you know something great has Happened and so in my last update video That I did last year that had a lot of Hope in it I was trying to be as Positive as possible when really in the Broad if I step back and look at the Full picture It has not been great in the last four Years with my health it really really Hasn't I keep hoping things are going to Change I keep hoping that you know Things will get better But it doesn't

Really and um It's very very hard and it's even harder To talk about because I don't think people want to hear this I Do this thing where I will only film my Videos on the good days you will never See me intentionally sick in a video and If I'm feeling a lot of pain in the Video if I'm really really sick in the Video I make the video anyway this past summer For example I was making a video in the Garden and I broke my toe in the garden While filming the video and I kept going I kept filming the video Even though I was in a lot of pain and The funny thing is is that's probably More relatable for a lot of people Because if I tell you that for the past Two years I have been filming videos While very very sick while being Extremely dizzy while feeling just Really Rock Bottom low You don't you don't see that on camera It's not broken I don't look broken I Don't look really super sick either and So I think a lot of you think I'm doing Okay When in reality I'm struggling and it's Been Progressively worse Every year it's worse I take all my Energy

And I channel that energy into doing What needs to be done for my family And into my garden because I grow food For my family and into this and Even though all of this looks super easy It's really not and there have been days Where I haven't been able to get out of Bed even though I want to but I am so Sick I have to stay in bed I cannot get out Of bed because I am just So sick and it really It really sucks when you want to do Things when you want to get out of bed And you can't you can't do it you want To be there for your kids they're like Mommy come play with us and I'm like I Am so sick I can't get out of bed this Is the reality of being chronically ill I have to Structure every day around if I am Feeling sick or not I have to take every Hour One at a time I can barely plan anything I can't be like oh yes in three months I Will do this thing no in three months I May not be able to do that thing or that Project I have to plan everything around My chronic illness and I have been doing That since I was about 17 years old And At 17 18 even 19 I did not expect my Illness to get worse even at 25 I was Like you know this is probably you know

Just how it's going to be but no it has Gotten worse in the past four years Progressively each year getting worse I Honestly don't know how to describe this And it's incredibly difficult to Describe And maybe even some of you think I'm Just complaining and I am complaining I'm complaining because I don't know What it's like to feel good anymore I Don't know what that's like Mostly I'm upset because it doesn't just Affect me it affects my family and it Affects my kids I have been filming YouTube videos for Almost seven years now and in the past Two years I have thought Weekly about quitting This is the one thing I do that is Mine Everything else is for my family but This is the one thing that I do that is Mine And I don't want to give it up just Because I'm Ill I am so let down by The medical system here in Canada I am So let down by my doctors I am so let down that I've received numerous Misdiagnosis not one Many misdiagnoses to the point that I Was on Really hardcore steroids

To the point that I did months of Antibiotics months of antibiotics I have Been on a pretty much salt free diet Which restricted my diet even more than It's restricted and uh that was for a Year and a half and at times because They told me salt was affecting me so Badly Along with being on medication I at Times went completely salt free because I thought It was what was making me ill months of Waiting between appointments uh months Of thinking that I had something was Getting treatment for it and it turns Out no you don't have that and uh months Of going from Doctor to doctor because I wanted second opinions so uh my family Doctor said I had Meniere's disease I Went to an ENT specialist three times Each time being like are you sure I have This disease The doctor being like Oh yeah you have Meniere's disease and there's nothing I Can do about so stop coming back there's Nothing I can do for you besides Prescribing your medication and you Going salt free and caffeine free And Then I decided okay I'm going to go see An expert specialist drive four hours to See an expert specialist Multiple times Undergoing tons of testing a lot of it

Not nice it's not nice most of the Testing Find out that I don't have Meniere's Disease after going for a year and a Half thinking you have a certain disease And finally someone being like no you Don't have this disease but they don't Tell you what you do have They don't tell you what you do have at All they just guess And The only way that you get to the root of Something is if you don't give up and Keep going But I I'm exhausted I'm exhausted by Trying to keep going and trying to Figure out what's wrong why do I have Vertigo why am I constantly dizzy why do I have chronically low blood pressure That actually needs salt I have Constantly been told I need salt so that Was super dangerous why am I anemic even With iron pills why do I have B12 Deficiency even though I'm getting B12 Shots why just why do I have stomach Pain I have kept extensive notes about My health since I was 17. And I've kept extensive notes about what I eat and what I try and what I take out Of my diet because it causes pain and my Diet is just so restricted Because everything hurts Pretty much everything hurts as my Husband likes to put it I am the sickest

Healthiest person he knows I Have all the healthy handmade deodorant I have all the healthy soap I have the Healthy toothpaste I don't put stuff in My body blah blah blah But yes I did turn to modern medicine Because I was tired of being sick and my Husband was like you trap tried Everything else try all the medicine and So steroid to steroid and antibiotic to Antibiotic all the medication for Menieres all the medication for other Stuff and It just doesn't make a difference I feel so just let down How come how come I don't know not only though am I let Down about the Health Care system I am Let down about how the Health Care System views women Since the beginning of my husband Pushing me to find answers about my Health I have not really been listened to and So I have to get my husband to speak on Behalf of me at appointments And He's the one who pushes these doctors he Is the one who says to these doctors I want you testing for this this and This When it's really me who wants to test For those things because I can ask a

Doctor hey can you test for this and They'll be like no there's no reason to Test for that we're not even going to Look at it and my husband will be like No we really want to test for that and The doctor will look at him and he'll be Like okay Like there's a difference between me Asking and my husband asking there's a Big difference apparently and my husband Has to go listen she is so sick she Can't get out of bed some days she is so Sick she is dizzy all the time and That's the only time doctors will will Listen That's it so honestly this entire Experience has been Not great That's that's what I'm gonna sum it up As this entire experience has not been Great and There's nothing I can do about it I have Seen online doctors I've spent my own Money on supplements thousands of Dollars spent on doctors private doctors And you know buying supplements and Naturopaths and chiropractors and just Stuff that isn't covered by insurance And not only do I think at this point That the majority of health care doctors They just don't care I also think that a Number of holistic doctors really pray On people who are sick and they Absolutely do nothing because I have sat

In naturopath offices I have listened to Chiropractors and It's just People really do sell snake oil they Sell snake oil to you and some of them Are very good at their marketing and Some of them are very good at being like Trying to give you that hope Um And I just I I can see through it now And I wish I could have seen through it But before At this point I just really don't trust A lot of people including doctors just Because of the number of misdiagnosis Like how can you do that to someone and Then put them on medication and the Medication has all made me sick it has All made me sick or given me side Effects and yet I've stuck to it because I'm like We need to find out if this is going to Help I am trying to figure out everything Myself So that or as much as I can myself Because they haven't figured out Anything I might as well keep trying to Figure something out and just from doing That just from keeping extensive Charts and just from keeping extensive Lists of what I eat and like how I feel I have figured out that I probably have A histamine intolerance because every

Time I eat fermented food of any sort Sauerkraut kombucha any of that stuff I Get so sick with vertigo and so Knowing that has restricted my diet even More and Has improved a few things because now I Just avoid those things and so I no Longer getting vertigo attacks still Dizzy sometimes but I think that's Because of the anemia And um we're just trying to figure out The rest of it we don't know why I have Stomach pain I'm supposed to go on I was Supposed to have went already on this Sibo treatment and the sibo medication Is a lot of money and so I was Prescribed it four years ago But couldn't take it because it was so Much money And Now I'm thinking about taking it but Again it's it's so much money So we are trying to Write to the insurance company we have Asking them to cover it and we have to Get all these forms filled out by the Family doctor to try to cover this Medication I know people like to hold The Canadian Health Care system up on a Pedestal as a marker of what good health Care looks like but the truth is our Health Care system is breaking it is Broken it is spiraling it is not a good Place and privatization is probably

Going to happen here in Ontario at least And uh there are people much worse off Than me I'm just In the grand scheme of things what's Happening to me is not that bad I mean I'm still alive so that's great at times I felt really really bad like I'm dying But I'm still alive But you know there's other people who Aren't as lucky as I am And so I guess I'm just complaining this video A bit so yeah that's where I'm at now I Still have stomach pain most likely have An ulcer in my small intestine but they Won't go in with a camera and look for It because it's not I'm not dying and so they're like we'll Most likely have to open you up to Retrieve the camera if it gets stuck so We're not going to give it to you but You most likely have ulcers but we're Not going to diagnose you have Crohn's Disease because we diagnosed you with That and we don't think you have it Anymore I have asthma which I haven't Had since I was a kid I have chronic sinusitis and I'm sudden Allergy to my dogs I still have dizziness I had to restrict My diet even more and still have Tinnitus And a bunch of other stuff honestly Doesn't sound that bad when I list it

Out like that but all together It's pretty bad because I would take Just the stomach pain Um that was manageable all this other Stuff is not very manageable and I'm just exhausted I am really I'm really exhausted and it's funny how Such simple symptoms can make you feel Just knocked down and at rock bottom and It's just been an especially hard two Years I have been so sick the past two Years And every time I don't think it can get Worse it gets worse probably not the Health update video you all expected I'm doing better considering that I cut Out histamine causing Foods So that that is a positive right there The rest of it though I I'm struggling With very very much very much struggling Um And It's just hard There's people who have it much harder Though So I guess the main takeaway from this Video if you have made it through this Video Is that I'm I'm sick I don't know why I'm so sick And I keep trying to figure out what to Do And if you're sick

And you can't figure it out either that I get it I very much get it I have to be honest Though part of the reason I'm making This video is because If I have to quit YouTube which I don't Want to do this is the one thing this is The one thing that I do for me I I want you to know why I quit it's Gonna if I quit it's gonna be because I Can't do it anymore with my health I Can't Push myself anymore and I've pushed Myself a lot I push myself in my garden I push myself Trying to do everything I do I'm not Superwoman I am not Able to do everything all the time I get Asked quite often how can you do so much While being chronically ill and honestly It's because on the days that I feel Okay-ish I get up and I push myself and Even though I may have had an awful day The night before and like or a day in Bed the day before I will get up and I will push myself to Get as much done as possible and then Usually what happens is I have a nice uh Pattern of being really sick for one day Can't do a whole lot will push myself The next day to do a lot we'll end up Back in bed unable to do anything so it Kind of like it kind of goes day after Day if I go back to the beginning of the

Video where I talk about you know Stepping back and seeing the whole Picture That's really hard for me to do because What I tend to do is just look at things Day by day hour by hour because that is Really all I can do with the chronic Illnesses or whatever is going on with What I have I can't predict anything I Can't plan anything I can't do a whole Lot and so It's really hard for me to step back and Be like wow You aren't getting better The thing is though is that I have a I Still have that tiny bit of Hope hoping That I'll figure it out Because my doctors are sure not gonna Figure it out I keep hoping I'll figure it out and be Able to Get better And uh My therapist again says that I need to Stop hoping I have a lot of Hope for Things and some of that is just not Rooted in reality it's fantasy and uh I can't help but have that bit of hope That I'm gonna get better That is it for today's video I know it's Pretty negative and low and not great But that is the reality of my situation And I wanted to be honest about that

Honestly it's really hard to talk about Everything or show everything when I'm Trying to film videos in an upbeat and Positive way because that is the way I Want to view the world and that is the Way I usually view the world and So I focus all my energy into making These like really happy videos trying to Put my my entire self into these videos But it's really hard to be like I'm filming this video while absolutely Dizzy or I didn't you know sleep last Night because I was so sick but I'm Filming this video today And Joseph has been in more videos Because I have been so sick there are Some times I just can't do it And so he he's been stepping in for me This is everything I'm going through I Film videos while dizzy I film videos While sick I film videos while in pain And I don't want I don't want that To Define My YouTube channel and I don't want it To Define who I am as a person But It is It is my everyday reality even if I deny It to myself it's still what I deal with Every single day And I hate stepping back and seeing the

Bigger picture of what it looks like All right that is really it for today's Video thank you for watching this video And making it this far Uh yeah Get dirty stay magical piece bye